Tough time in my marriage

I am trying for baby, its been two years that I have not obtained the results yet. I got to know I have endometriosis and fibroid in my womb from a gynaecologist whom my sister works under him. He is such a caring doctor and considerate employer to my sister. Actually I was hesitant for consultation at the gynaecology because I thought my sister could borne her beautiful daughter and I should be healthy. My sister encouraged me to go and check and have a peace of mind if I am fertile. But it turned out to be the opposite. I have problem resulted infertility, i was devastated and my mind started to go weird.

In order not to drag my hubby into my misery, I know he always pin for children of his own. Do you know what I did? I nearly did something that I would certainly regret for life. I did silly actions for the intention that he would divorce me. I gave him cold shoulder, been unreasonable and stupidly looking out a nice young girl for him so I could leave him with the girl. All these was done in pains. I cried most nights with fears I might leave him one day. I love him do much. I changed for him. From a person who only knew how to cook instant noodles to a person who learns and knows how to cook dishes. I want to leave the best food and things for him. He is a gem I found in my life. I would want to give him the best moments and things that I could. But baby...I want...he want...but the little ones do not come to us. Truthfully speaking, I was extremely saddened to see his expression whenever I tried to be nasty to him. He was looked like a naive child trying to decipher my actions to him.

One day, he could not tolerate the coldness in me. He brought me to the room and wanted to me confide to him. At first I pretended nothing was troubling me until he told me he was worried and helpless. I broke down in tears like stream continuously flowing down from the river. I let out all my miserable thoughts and my intention of finding a girl to get him remarry to her. I saw his eyes with tears and he hugged me reassuring me that he would not leave me no matter which circumstances. It pierced my heart deeper when I saw him in misery too. He told me he had been observing me after my knowledge of my medical results that I was acting abnormally to him. My character changed drastically. But he did not know what to do till he decided to confront me.

He is a gem, I love him and he loves me too. Our love is so deeply immersed to an extent that our minds could not bear to leave each other forever. We are one.

I'm still trying and is reading Guanyin bodhisattva's sutra everyday to pray for the little to come to us. I don't like to exercise and is making effort to do brisk walking. I used to dislike vegetables but I can consuming more than my meat intake.

I am jiayou-ing. Hope you can jiayou too : )